Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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