I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Girls should come with a carfax report
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
