Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
