the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
