The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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