Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
