Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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