He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
