Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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