Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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