bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
