based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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