I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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