At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
