grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
