Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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