it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
