oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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