Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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