The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
