I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
