Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
