I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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