matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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