I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
