This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
