Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
