I feel great
I just peed on a car
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize