it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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