you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
