Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
