I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
