obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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