pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
