Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize