I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
