Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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