Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The best revenge is premature balding
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
