I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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