god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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