Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
