If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
