Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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