if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
