It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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