I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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