Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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