Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
