Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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