And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
