Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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