Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
