girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
