All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
