And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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