DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
