My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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