WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
