was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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