a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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