i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
