I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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