conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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