He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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