would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
