Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
