why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
