i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
