We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize