Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
